September 21, 2009

As you pay last respects to your soldier


I to eyes
by Matt Freire

Yesterday we joked
Lots of laughs
Fun times
The times lives should be made of
And filled with
The companionship of friends
Even though my GPS coordinates are located in a war zone
These times I’m well acquainted with

And today
Today is the same
At least for the majority of the day
But a small large part
Put life into play

Yesterday while we joked
A rocket kissed our FOB and injured a hand full
And one
One gave
As they say
The ultimate sacrifice

I haven’t met they
But I’ve heard they’s words
They create, conjure and destroy
They are welcomed, shunned and ever-present
They lurk
They stock
Some say they are indifferent
Some say they are passionate
But either way you phrase
We all hear what they say
We listen to they
We all are they

And today
Because of yesterday
And those that are they
Fallen comrade ceremony was held today

Honorable event
Emotional event
Real event
Just
Not the most enjoyable event

To attend

To photograph

It’s long, hot and uncomfortable
That feeling is there
That tense feeling
That pain feeling
That emotional feeling

That past tense feeling
That could have been feeling
That that’s how it can happen feeling
That I don’t want to be here feeling
That feeling
Feeling that feeling
That there’s a dead husband and father of six
In a red white and blue covered metal box
With scattered stars
Sitting in the middle of an empty C130
While six children and a wife….

That’s a direction I will not go
As I listen to the Chaplin reciting scripture
Grieving sounds of tears, sniffling and marching
Vibrating off the metallic air-Hurst’s stomach walls

I hate standing right here
Eye to eye to you
To the leaders
To the friends
To the loved ones
As you pay last respects to your soldier
Your comrade
Your friend
This
This is uncomfortable feeling
That feeling you remember
That feeling that’s with you forever

I’m feeling I’m hungry
A feeling the deceased knows no meaning
Dozens march up in the belly

Group halt
Right face
Present arms
Order arms

They take humble knees to the floor
Giving respects with eyes closed so tight the dead become alive
And a final moment is shared
And you peek at who's next to you
Because you don’t know how long you should pay respects
Thinking those next to you know
But knowing that person next to you doesn’t know
Like anyone knows
Hand touching the cold box
Clenching the flag
Till one starts to stand

Present arms
Order arms
Left face
Forward
They march shuffling composure away
As I stay and capture what I can
What I should
What I let myself

A comrade
A soldier
A friend
A women no more than 5 foot 90lbs
Takes knee and places her strong blood pumping hand
On the flag
That clenches to a fist
And an agonizing scream echoes on the hollow
Vibrating in the living
As the emotional small fist pounds on the red and white
As the tears pour from her eyes
As memories flood out
As emotions break

A friend close by reaches out to comfort
But sometimes there is no immediate comfort
Sometime all there is
Is time

And I stand motionless
Wrists crossed at my waste
Camera pointed down
Without the “glory” of that great shot
Without the selfish distance so easily I could defend myself with

Some moments should not be captured
Some moments are worth more than a thousand words
These moments
Moments that my digits, mouth and mind can’t explain
Just the feeling
The feeling of knowing what’s right
What’s human
An action
Some of us humans
Are dehumanized too

13 comments:

  1. That, my much loved nephew, touched me greatly. Your words are growing even as you yourself are growing. Knowing what not to do is as important as knowing what to do so often.Congratulations on all you have done and all you do Matt.
    unka

    ReplyDelete
  2. Outstanding.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Son, this is elegant. You are ethical. You made your father weep silent tears.

    I love you, Matt.

    Dad

    ReplyDelete
  4. wow, amazing words! I can't wait for you to put all this together as a book it really will be something.
    your brother

    ReplyDelete
  5. so i realized a good trait women have, they can show emotion, show outwardly how real this really is, show what i can't, emotion

    ReplyDelete
  6. Matt,
    I am crying at the beauty of your poetry and the sadness of your position. Thank you so very much for all you do Matt Freire. You are my hero today!

    ReplyDelete
  7. thanks for covering the ceremony with me, matt.

    ReplyDelete
  8. 5 foot 90lbs letting out what she had inside... i can almost hear her anguish echoing in that aircraft.

    ReplyDelete
  9. i can only imagine the pain that she had. that is a monent that should not be photograph.thank you. we all can imagine it in our minds. thanks Matt for your insights. you are a great person. I miss you.
    Love Mom

    ReplyDelete
  10. Very honest and touching Matt. I am so thankful you have the gift of the mighty pen. I don't know any other way you could deal with what life is dishing you and what you are forced to digest in a healthy manner. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh yeah! Congratulations on the recognition of the outstanding job you are doing.I hear you recieved a medal dude. You deserve it!

    ReplyDelete
  12. It's so strange to sit here and read your words and know this is real life, this is your life. This is not fiction. Your ability to translate your thoughts and moments in the situations you are presented with are amazing. Thank you for all you do for us, for our country. Love you. Your cuz, Kristen

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey brother wow i miss you how are you doing? your poems are amazing and also your photos are wonderful. i love you and miss you. take care!!

    ReplyDelete

[eastern europe]

[south west utah]