August 1, 2009

no way it can be much farther


lingering departure
by Matt Freire

Reflection in mud puddles
get rippled by zombie bodies
Heavy bags full of mobile war stations
Trudge along the wadi
Sun pasturing high burning off the fog
Mirage, images spatter the distance
Heat waved yetis just cart wheeled by
You’re leaking again the mental doc mutters
And I gulp down 115 degree water
You can make it the mental doc whispered
There’s no way it can be much farther
Few more clicks
clocked on the bottom of my soles
As these zombish machines continues to roll
My boots act like cooking pots
The slow roast of feet stir and scream
And I scuttle forward with the herd
My lips are like salt rocks
And my tongue is that of a cow’s
And I lick my cracked trenches
And I move and move
Dreaming of smoothies and the
California Ocean
My leakage starts to magnify
And momentary trails of salt dots
Line my just walked path
To be instantly evaporated
To instantly add to the humidity

Casually the zombies turn into heat casualties
A zombie to my right slips
MEDIC! Disrupts the silences
And the wobbling zombies make way
And the few that save lives our as gods
The I.V. drips and the teams move in position
Gun teams’ defilade
Tac sets set como with the rear and surroundings
Kiowa death birds flutter over head waiting, enticing
It’s still early, they might get the worm
Split the static comms’ interdict
Squads disperse in wedge
Formations appear in the distance
And I get my second wind
My corps becomes alive
As I visual document the synchronized assault
The pack moves in
Muscle memory takes effect
Cordon placed
The search swoops in with no resistance
Hajji tents inspected
Beds up turned
To find another miss direction
From yet another sham hajji informant

And we wait
For word on a bird or another objective
And few numbers switch on my watch
And my shadow decides he likes it on my other side
And at this point my job becomes selective
I hand out candy as afghan children grab my camera and try to steal my pen
I walk around making small talk with anyone who will listen
The medic tells me to drink water because I’m leaking profusely
I’m a soldier and the past 5 and a half years that’s all I know
But today I feel like a potato dropped in boiling oil
And my skin is blistering and cracking
At only 24 I feel really old
But I can’t figure out how to stop
So I drink water like I’m told
And I mold my melted power bar into a goat
And it entertains me as I wander around
I sit here
Stand there
Find shade as sweat pours off my face
Waiting on x-fill


Photos:
Top: A Afghan child sands next to a donkey in Sabari Afghanistan on Jul. 28, 2009. (U.S. Army photo by Spc. Matthew Freire / RELEASED)


Bottom: U.S. Soldiers from 2nd Battalion, 377th Parachute Field Artillery Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team (Airborne), 25th Infantry Division, hands an Afghan girl a bottle of water during an air assault mission to search the Khost province of Afghanistan during Operation Champion Sword on Jul. 29, 2009. Operation Champion Sword is a joint operation involving Afghanistan National Security Forces and International Security Assistance Forces focused on specific militant targets and safe havens within Sabari and Terezai Districts of Khost province in eastern Afghanistan. (U.S. Army photo by Spc. Matthew Freire / RELEASED )

9 comments:

  1. Ken DanielAugust 01, 2009

    I didn't realize you guys were around children so much. Are they in the line of fire?

    Also, surprised that you trudge into danger on a lead from an Aghani, yet the information is either stale or false. That surely is frustrating.

    I'm not always in agreement with what you say in your poems, or I am shocked sometimes or surprised you have a gusto attitude even when you are in hardships. You take photos. Do the guys doing the shooting respect you>

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  2. Jim FreireAugust 01, 2009

    Everyone is in the line of fire,everyone.
    And yes they are sent on wild goose chases often.
    As far as My nephews attitude you do not know him or what motivates him, he is a real man, motivated by HIS needs and not some fantasy of adventure.
    As far as respect how could they not respect the guy standing with them holding only a fucking camera! He gets no slack because of it and is in the same harms way as the ones with guns.Freires have huge balls and can weather some things which wilt others.

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  3. Jim FreireAugust 01, 2009

    God Damn the men who send our children to fight their wars! God bless the children sent to fight.
    God keep the children in the way of the whole ordeal.God save the families of those who are not coming home.God,why must men be so futile?

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  4. Ken DanielAugust 01, 2009

    Yeah, I can see what you (James Freire) are saying.

    You said your nephew is motivated with his personal needs and not "some fantasy of adventure." That is precisely part of what I was thinking, that he moves forward on the impetus of adrenaline and the rush and excitement of action.

    I never thought of "his needs." Perhaps one of his needs is to join his fellow soldiers, you know, support them. He uses the word document. Certainly his photos show the rest of us some of what he sees and what his comrades in arms are doing. Of course, his words provide depth to the images he displays. I can see now how he is documenting.

    How do I separate my disdain for the military and the governemnts propaganda and "psyops" and the ugly euphemism "collateral damage," from my growing admiration for the soldiers? Yes, a little understanding I am gaining from Matt Friere.

    I stand firm in saying I can't help interpreting what are, in my opinion, expressions of love of adventure. Then again, is that what is needed to keep mentally tough enough to go in time after time again?

    At any rate you are a loyal uncle, that's for certain.

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  5. the doctor that is responsible for the lethal injection, the lawyer that has to defend a guilty rapest, the volunteers that service the homeless and naked, do they find these things as "adventures" or do they go about the duty with the best attiutude possible for that situation that has been put before them? If our men and women on the front line didn't go in with some "gusto" wouldn't that be more of a danger? Would that be American? Could you imagine Lincoln leading his troops into battle with out a since of pride and "gusto"? I think not! I am proud of our men and women who diligently service our country in stand whats true and right, I hope that they hold their heads high and desire to strive to fulfill there calling, i am grateful that my brother matthew has a way to relieve the stress that comes with be a soilder and grateful for the written word that he has provided us. And forward more to those that stand to critizes matt or any other soilder that stands in harms way for us all I have to say to you is I'm happy for men and women like matt becasue if the weekminded like some of you were in their place would we still have an United states of America like we do?

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  6. We do a lot of humanitarian aid. We walk around collat systems, villages and people bring their children, and the medic does what he can. Children are curious and they come to us. These kids have been in the line of fire all their lives. You know something is not right when the children aren’t out side.

    Intel is intel, a lot of what ive seen has been 50/50. half the time the information is good and it sends us to IED makers the other half it sends us to some goat farmer.

    Do shooters respect the cameramen?….some think I’m crazy, some think I’m a liability, some are indifferent. Overall the guys shooting don’t want us around until we prove ourselves, then they either really don’t want us around or love having us around. I see people I met on missions and they always ask me if I’m going to go with them again. They want me out there with them. But I built that respect.

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  7. Matt - WOW! Your writing shares a vivid picture of your daily challenges! I want you to know that there are many back home waiting for your safe return that, even though we cannot possibly fathom what you are going through, truly do appreciate what you are doing and the cause for which you are sacrificing! I am your mother's teacher and friend and can testify to her love for you and her pride of who you are and what you are doing. Keep taking one more step as you know that you are lifted up with prayers and love. Debbie

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  8. Hi Matt,
    You're mom let me know about your blog, I will follow it. I have enjoyed reading your post and looking at your pictures, they are amazing. Thank you for serving our country, I hope you know that you and everyone else with you are in our family's prayers everday, we are thankful for men and women like you who allow us the freedom to live in the country that we love and know that wouldn't have the freedoms that we have if it wasn't for people like you. Are you a photographer for the army? Your picutres are amazing!!!

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  9. james freireAugust 05, 2009

    What the fuck my thought exclaimed who was this child at war,maimed
    Is this 40 years past,relived,minus the body count between sports and weather?
    No, I shake my lowered head and feel those 40 yrs in my bones
    feel those news reports and pictures seared into a fragile ten year old mind
    of a burning child running on smoking pavement, of a mans brains blown across glossy pages
    What is this new war that goes largely unseen and edited for content?
    threads of my blood walk on blisters to shoot time and freeze it in its tracks
    .To shoot the shooters and steal their souls. digital capture.Upload and edit
    document the issue and torn tissue.
    The silent news has nothing shocking between sports and weather
    but my computer screams of the same images in text,unfiltered, photos edited and approved for release,
    words blaze war and make real the images inside my own worst fears poured across
    a spiders web of screens that read the same words and feel a million different things
    This time instead of a war served with dinner it is a war served up in bits an pieces.
    Photos released for distribution but words unfiltered and raw.
    urls of war on www.com reach out to speak of the same old horrors on a whole new channel.
    I know this war after all but only as a voyuer, a peeping tom,dick or harry
    And only as I imagine it from words as the photos stir my passion but are not allowed to convey the
    war as one man's words must in this passage of men through other men's battles.
    I wait in fear of the next posts and fear no more posts even more
    But even more than fear is love and pride in the thread of my blood
    who says what pictures are no longer able to say
    who makes the dirt and blood real,who captures yet another folly of men
    for men to ponder.

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